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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

For those who've noticed my social network absenteeism {hi mom} my throat swab came back "strep" which doesn't explain the disgusting sty in my right eye or my mono-esque lethargy, but it does explain why my scale says I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight {not for long though thanks to the double batch of banana chocolate chip muffins I whipped up yesterday}.

It's Wednesday, you know the drill so let's just dive right in...

- I've convinced myself that the above banana chocolate chip muffin recipe is a healthy one due to the main ingredient being 1 cup of overripe bananas and 1 heaping cup of Hershey Chipits.

- I'm not funny in real life; I'm lucky if I get one laugh per day and it's either me laughing at my own jokes or Saige laughing in my general vicinity and me taking the credit. Brad Paisley's "I'm so much cooler online" has become my theme song. What IS funny are all your comments that tell me how ha-larious I am; they're also dangerous because I'm starting to believe the hype, "knock, knock..."
 
- I don't just listen to country music, I LOVE IT!
 
- This is more of a plea than a confession and it goes out to Trev-bob {who we've established never reads my blog}: I dream of an evening when a back rub means just that. Sorry babe it's not code word for foreplay, it literally means, "massage my damn shoulders".
 
- I've been known to prop a bottle or two. Save your stones, I've already been throwing rocks at myself over this one.
 
- I try to limit my reality TV watching to 2 shows, but this season I've been taping ALL of them - even The Voice which is a new one on my radar. I missed the 'meet my family' episdode on Monday's Bachelor, but I'm not too broken up over it, I'm just dying to know who go the ol' bu-bye from Ben {pu-lease have been Courtney}. American Idol, Amazing Race and Survivor are others on the PVR automatic record. When you only pay for basic cable you need to stock up on stuff to watch during the next outbreak of disease. 
 
- As much as I love our little munchkins and wouldn't trade them for anything in the whole wide world {unless cloning becomes legal and I can pay extra for the better behaved upgrade} I'm starting to mourn my perky, pre-nursing boobies.
 
- I've unintentionally taught my daughter to say 'boobies' instead of 'breasts' which is a huge social work 101 no-no.
 
** want another social work no-no? WARNING: the next confession is not for the faint of heart **
 
- As a precaution we had left Children's Motrin out for when Auntie Becca came to baby-sit sicky Saige. We kinda forgot about it until the next day when Saige was quiet in her room while Trev was feeding the baby and I was hopping out of the shower. As I'm towelling off I hear, "HOW MANY DID YOU EAT?!"... cue my panic attack. Sneaky Saige had stole the entire bottle off the kitchen counter, somehow managed to get the child proof lid of the top and was popping them back like candy!!!!!!!!! I immediately called poison control and here's how the conversation went down:
 
Poison Control (P.C.) - good afternoon what's your emergency?
Me - we just found our daughter eating Children's Motrin by the handful!!!
P.C. - how old is she?
Me - she's 3 but a SMALL 3
P.C. - how much does she weigh?
Me - 26 maybe 27 lbs
P.C. - how many did she eat?
Me - I DON'T KNOW!!!!
P.C. - how many are in a bottle?
Me - 30!
P.C. - how many are left?
Me - *frantically counting* 14!
P.C. - approximately how many were in there at the time?
Me - we've probably given her about 7 or 8 over the year.
P.C. - judging by my calculations she should be okay, she might get a bit of a stomach ache, but other than that she'll be 100% fine... just don't give her anymore.
 
True story - those exclamation points!! were real y'all - and the moral?
  1. child proof caps are a myth
  2. children can never be trusted
  3. kid medicine shouldn't be made to taste good
  4. I'm winning the worst parent of the year award
  5. a petite pre-schooler can take 6x the recommended dosage of Children's Motrin and live to tell about it... {just don't give them anymore... duh!}
 
- Yesterday was garbage day and since Trev-bob forgot to haul our bin the the curb, I braved the elements in my slippers & pajamas and totally bailed as I was sprinting back to the house to avoid detection. I really didn't want the flawless new mom from across the street to see me in my polka dot pj's, but she did. She got to see me face plant in the snow and make a fresh imprint of my clumsiness {which is still there}. So embarassing! So me.

83 comments:

MSDeyle said...

This post was funny, frightening (pill popping incident!!), and sobering b/c I can relate to ALL OF IT.... ahhh.....

Brianne G said...

of course you are funny! honourary HAFA members are always funny. Man you have had quite the 2 months of sickness!! Feel better soon!

Brianne G said...

oh and if it makes you feel better, I once ate a whole bottle of childrean's tylenol when I was a kid and I'm super normal :)

Anonymous said...

Oh Sara you are too funny! :) I think every parent I know has a "my kid ate all the pills" story. You are a great mom! I look forward to gleaning from your wisdom when/if I am given the gift of babies and post-nursing boobies! ;)
-Liv

Anonymous said...

PS I think you're funnier than your current company thinks... I remember laughing regularly with you in school!
-Liv

E said...

As always, you made me laugh out loud. I'm the EXACT same way about being funny... I've really started to believe I am funny, but my husband reminds me that I'm not in real life all the time. Sad.

Kathleen said...

I also downed a whole bottle of children's tylenol and lived to tell the tale. Why do they make it taste so good? Scary. I'm glad your little one is ok.

I just found your blog and you definitely made me laugh. Enjoy those muffins!

Bech and Marley Evans said...

I, too, have been known to schedule baths around my tv watching schedule! Glad to know I'm not the only one!

ana {bluebirdkisses} said...

hehe M totally thinks "cuddling" is code for sex too...wtf?!! I just want a damn hug!

christine, just bella said...

Thank goodness for pvr's!! p.s. you can totally watch the bachelor online at citytv. I won't ruin the surprise of who went home, but you won't be happy. oops, I think I ruined the surprise ;)

Hope you're feeling better soon!

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